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Monday, December 09, 2002  

I had a bit of a chat during Raya with my righteous confidant. It was about my rue life and where is it actually headed. I don’t to make a mockery out of my life but just a simple discerning of my vivacity. He put it a bit simple for me. I am not a person who is very creative. I am a very technical person therefore, things that are true by science and physics are simple easy to swallow. Abstract things are the hardest to imbibe. Well my good friend, BJ put things somewhat more into perspective more imaginative. Analogy is the word. Moreover analogy or resemblance would make more sense to me because with arduous problems were broken down into small chucks would make matter much simpler.

I would imagine myself as Pharaoh or Cleopatra. Ok let me describe why I put such a stalwart figure as my analogy. Errr not ANALOGAY ok… Why do I even bother to go back to Alexandria’s time? I see a strong similarity and I could relate closely to her. According to Egyptian law, Cleopatra was forced to have a consort, who was either a brother or a son, no matter what age, throughout her reign.


She was married to her younger brother Ptolemy XIII when he was twelve, however she soon dropped his name from any official documents regardless of the Ptolemaic insistence that the male presence be first among co-rulers. She also had her own portrait and name on coins of that time, ignoring her brother's. When Cleopatra became co-regent, her world was crumbling down around her. Cyprus, Coele-Syria and Cyrenaica were gone. There was anarchy abroad and famine at home. Cleopatra was a strong-willed Macedonian queen who was brilliant and dreamed of a greater world empire. She almost achieved it. Whether her way of getting it done was for her own desires or for the pursuit of power will never be known for certain. However, like many Hellenistic queens, she was passionate but not promiscuous. As far as we know, she had no other lovers other than Caesar and Antony. Many believe that she did what she felt was necessary to try to save Alexandria, whatever the price.

I have much admiration on Cleo’s strong character. I ally to her because of my character that is like to be in control. I like to be in power. I like to control surplus manipulate. My discussion with Budak Jahat (BJ) was an eye opener to me. I am understanding more about myself. Why I waste such effort, time, energy and money to only certain parties and mind you only selected people. To me, Mie, Tam, Majdi, Jebat, Shidi Zamri, Azmi, F, H, Rizal, etc are merely ‘toys’ and why do I say that is because I fondle with them. I espouse challenge in getting them. I entice them play hard to get and play with their outer egos. My objective then was to see them fall in my clutches and bowing and serving me and my humble subjects. To my eyes I would say that they are my ministers. I only choose the upper class to prey upon. That is me. That is how I actually perceive myself. My definition of upper class is that good looking ones. The ones that people admire. I would befriend and attack them because of their envied look. I as Cleo then would seduce them into my domain. I would never waste my time if the person is not good looking. Thus, there is no reason for me whatsoever to be interested to make him as my minister. I don’t want my minister whom is not good looking at all in my dynasty. Yes only the upper class!



Yus I would put him as Antony. Why Antony? I think he suits the character somewhat, As Cloe I try to seduce him. Making him want me. Helping him and at the same time Antony(Yus) has his duties and is quite divided to perform his duties or follow his heart. Encompass with love, lust, betrayal, loyalty, trust and abomination makes the scene more uncanny and real. The true life is scarcely worth living. The oblivious love between Cleo(me) and Antony(Yus) makes things more complicated. The note here is much simpler to explain where I like to control and would sacrifice myself to unleash my bottled up sick desire. I repent if I can’t perform up to my expectations. Antony(Yus) is very much hunger for my love and moral support. Much of my imbecility I hit him hard and barked him back on whom should I descry for moral support? Antony does not liked to be controlled. He despise it and being Cleo, I rampant him and punish Antony for not being cooperative i.e. being GAY!!!!^@%$^*&%**/+

posted by asam | 7:40 PM
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